My new status
Single?Alone?
Uh...it's complicated?
What category do you fall in? Well, instead of always marking the oh so obvious "single" or defining ourselves by our relationships with others, perhaps it's time for a new status. I would like to add another category. QuirkyAlone!
Have you guys heard about this? Apparently there's a famous book about this whole new idea: Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics and a dedicated online community.
What is a quirkyalone you may ask?
Who are the quirkyalones? There are many definitions, but we'll start with this one. Quirkyalones are people who resist the tyranny of coupledom. Oddly enough, we quirkyalones also tend to be romantics. We resist the tyranny of coupledom because we would prefer to be open to the possibilities that life has to offer than be in an unsatisfying relationship. That is, to date for the sake of dating, or be in a relationship for the sake of being part of a couple.
Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. It's an embrace of all kinds of love. Although we quirkyalones enjoy solitude, and sometimes even need and crave it, we are NOT loners. We typically have a strong network of friends. Most of us place a high premium on friendship. We've even been known to bring our friends on dates! (Link)
I rather like this new term (although technically it's been around since 2005; yeah, i'm so not hip!) in the way that it allows ourselves to be fully satisfied and secure with who we are, who are friends are, and the lifestyles we choose to lead without defining us, limiting us by our relationships. It's a love for life, for oneself, and the idea that it's ok to be single! It's OK!!!! (ok, that should like be my new mantra of the day.)
Seriously, in the last month, I've already heard of 3 engagements of girls who are my age or close to my age. I'm not even kidding. 3 in just one month!!! (Note: these girls were always the ones really desirous of getting married young and finding the one..so well...their passion found success!) And it left me thinking that I was somehow behind on the game (you know the game. the one and only. the one some of us have been trained for since birth. motivation, drama, and inspiration provided by the 'rents. and constant gossip and comparisions and questions from fellow peers who can be at times rather desperate, ruthless competitors. tanvi and i have lovingly termed it: Husband-Hunting!)
As if, all of sudden life took a turn somewhere and everyone went one way; knowingly, strategically, and enthusiastically following this "I'm of age so I MUST be looking for my husband now and in a few years I'm going to get married and then a few years after that I'm going to have kids and I'm going to make sure I follow this mapped out life path." Of course, I'll throw in a little bit of career, school, oh and some eye-opening life experiences in there as well, just for good measure.
Meanwhile, a few of us kinda wandered off on a different turn, daddling in relationships but also finding and pursuing other passions. And then.... some of us just did a complete u-turn and were apparently completely off path to this ultimate goal. We were so off-path, we didn't even realize we were supposed to be participants in the game. We had not idea how, when, and how to get to this "ultimate" prize life choice. Where was the start line? More importantly....how far away was the finish line???
When did this all of sudden become so calculated? Did some of these girls just wake up one day, realize they were 22, armed with some education but no life experience, and decide, hey...i know what I'm going to do with my life now! I'm going to find me a husband because I'm like in my twenties and I like MUST get married now! It's like the only right, natural, parent-pleasing thing to do. And who cares about expanding my mind when I can like expand my heart. For a man.
This whole idea for some reason has been really bugging me of late, not sure why exactly. I mean usually I'm pretty libertarian in my social beliefs and if these girls are happy and have finally claimed their "prize" then why shouldn't I be happy for them? After all, why should I be angry when that's clearly their desired choice. But it's when these so-called girls then continuously ask me if I'm dating, have I found the one, did I meet anybody..etc. And it's like, you know what...I'm not desperate to play this game yet. Call me a late-bloomer, call me a little naive, a little selfish, a little too preoccupied with other visions, dreams, and ideas about my life. But I'm just not ready to follow this so-called cookie-cutter path. Not now. Who knows, I may regret this later on when all of them are married and I'm still living on my own with my books, artwork, and blog(kidding y'all. i plan to like..you know...move on to podcasts or something;)) but at least I'll know that I didn't follow someone else's path just because I was supposed to be on it. Instead, I took a U-turn, drove around in a few circles, travelled through some seedy areas, reversed out of some dead-ends, and finally found myself at an intersection where a relationship status alone didn't define or evaluate me. In fact, all the while, I had just been a quirkyalone, embracing all kinds of loves, especially the most important one of all: the love for oneself and one's own beliefs. Never compromising those ideas, but rather building a new path through my own experiences and creating a whole new life map to follow. Just for me.
posted by payal @ 1:30 AM
1 Comments:
I LOVE this post, Payal! Way to speak out and be proud as a "quirkyalone"! At least that random link I put on that facebook group has been of inspiration to someone... In fact, your blog entry has kind of inspired me to go back and read over that website more carefully when I get a chance. Keep telling it like it is and living life the way you feel is right.
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